Read my mind.

Today I had a self-revalation.
I don't expect much of people because I don't expect much of myself.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not as depressed about it as that sounds. I'm just observing after my realisation. The thing is, I was thinking about how someone had said to me how they were going to do something, something they aimed, even aspired to do. And I was thinking how, although I didn't particularly mind, they weren't going to carry out this aim. They weren't going to do it, not that it wasn't in their capability, just that maybe they didn't have the right motivation at the moment, or something along those lines. Then I sort of came across my own goals, my own wants and needs. For example, take this weekend. I had barely any work to do for the first time in a while, and it is in for tomorrow. Just some notes. And my coursework to edit I suppose, but thats for the end of the week. I told myself I'd do them, they'd take a couple of hours at most and then I'd carry on being lazy. But I ended up just being lazy. I haven't done it and now I'll have to wake up early tomorrow to do it. I do this all the time, I end up not doing things and I get angry at myself but it passes me by because I always do it.

I think, therefore, that it is for this reason that I don't expect much of people, and I seem to more often than not be pleasantly surprised at how people turn out. But although its rather nice to get better than expected, I'm still trudging along, not expecting much of myself. Its subconscious though, because on the surface I get caught up and have anxiety attacks about work and I always seem to come out fine, but these worries are the result of leaving everything last minute and not doing my best, when in reality I have heaps of free time.

"Lets not wait, times not on our side." Guillemots, you're not wrong. I have bags and bags of time. So I get lured in to thinking I can put things off. when really I'd be a lot more relaxed if I did the things I had to do first. And then when I haven't got any time, it flies by. And my excuse is always lack of time.

And breath.